Live Twice (Or More)
Getting older is far from being the end of the road.
What a pity so many of us regard it that way, and
ignore its many benefits and advantages
By Elana Shoval
I was twenty-five years old when I first became aware
of how temporary my youth was. Someone had asked
me when I was graduating from university and I
answered: "in three years". In that single moment I
realized in three years I'd be twenty-eight years old.
As ridiculous as it sounds to me now, I felt a cold wave
of fear wash over me, engulfing my entire body.
Twenty-eight years old sounded so old and so the end
of the road to me back then.
Three years later, when I celebrated my 28th birthday
I could hardly remember that scary feeling from three
years prior. I didn't feel old at all and could hardly
understand why I had thought it would be the end of
the world. From then on my advancing age didn't
bother me as much. I felt young, I looked younger
then my real age and I expected everybody to treat
me as such. If here and there people felt differently
about my age I didn't know it, or didn't want to know.
Unfortunately this didn't last forever. Although I was proud of
my youthful appearance, the passing years started to show, and people who tried to guess my age didn't think I was in my twenties or thirties anymore.
When I reached the age of forty-nine, the place where I was working shut down and I had to start over in a new place of employment. Everyone around me was a lot younger then I was: Most of my co-workers were in their early twenties, and even my superiors, who were older, were at least five years younger then me. For a while I was able to ignore this age gap and the fact most of my co-worker weren't even born when I had started my career. Until one day one of them said: "You know, we are very fond of you, you are like a mother to us".
I knew he meant well but at the time I wanted to kill him. I didn't feel motherly toward any of my co-workers and I don't think I ever behaved like one around them. I regarded myself as a part of the team. Apparently they felt differently. I guess knowing I was a lot older put me automatically into the 'mother' position. They regarded me as an old matron to respect but who isn't quite relevant to their world or capable of doing what they were doing.
At the time it didn't discourage me. I kept struggling like everyone else, while ignoring a growing sense of discomfort and dread. It took me five more years to realize I had to leave. Gradually there was too much evidence proving my age wasn't appreciated anymore. Rather then regarding it as an advantage it became an obstacle. No one really appreciated my competence and nobody regarded me as a promotion material.
Deciding to leave and take a new path wasn't easy. The changes involved were huge and frightening. For awhile I was going through what many call: the "midlife crisis". It was very painful at the beginning but extremely rewarding later on.
When midlife crisis struck
The term "midlife crisis" is relatively new and has a lot to do with the steady growth rate of life expectancy in the 20th century. Midlife crises can happen anywhere between the ages of forty to sixty-five, and although we read a lot about it, many of us find it difficult to cope with and surprised when it strikes.
Going through a midlife crisis usually refers to going through a period of self-doubt related to the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. Triggers for such a crisis are usually transitions experienced during these years, such as aging in general, menopause, the death of parents, children leaving home, losing a job after forty and/or retirement. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in the core aspects of our day to day life or situation; career, marriage, or romantic relationships.
The first to introduce the concept of midlife crisis was Elliott Jaques, a Canadian psychoanalyst, who in 1965, claimed that once we reach our late forties, we begin to grasp our mortality and limitations - a realization that causes mental crisis. Jaques himself, in spite of his dreary realization, didn't live as a limited person in his old age. He reinvented himself and wrote twelve books till his death at the age of eighty-six.
Although not all of us are going to write successful books after fifty, and although there is a slim chance we will become great pianists, exceptional athletes or famous ballet dancers (just as most young people aren't either), there are still many new roads open to us all around. There are as many achievable targets at the age of fifty as there are at the age of twenty-five. Hell, in some fields a fifty year old has a better chance to succeed than someone in their twenties.
<back
Getting older is far from being the end of the road.
What a pity so many of us regard it that way, and
ignore its many benefits and advantages
By Elana Shoval
I was twenty-five years old when I first became aware
of how temporary my youth was. Someone had asked
me when I was graduating from university and I
answered: "in three years". In that single moment I
realized in three years I'd be twenty-eight years old.
As ridiculous as it sounds to me now, I felt a cold wave
of fear wash over me, engulfing my entire body.
Twenty-eight years old sounded so old and so the end
of the road to me back then.
Three years later, when I celebrated my 28th birthday
I could hardly remember that scary feeling from three
years prior. I didn't feel old at all and could hardly
understand why I had thought it would be the end of
the world. From then on my advancing age didn't
bother me as much. I felt young, I looked younger
then my real age and I expected everybody to treat
me as such. If here and there people felt differently
about my age I didn't know it, or didn't want to know.
Unfortunately this didn't last forever. Although I was proud of
my youthful appearance, the passing years started to show, and people who tried to guess my age didn't think I was in my twenties or thirties anymore.
When I reached the age of forty-nine, the place where I was working shut down and I had to start over in a new place of employment. Everyone around me was a lot younger then I was: Most of my co-workers were in their early twenties, and even my superiors, who were older, were at least five years younger then me. For a while I was able to ignore this age gap and the fact most of my co-worker weren't even born when I had started my career. Until one day one of them said: "You know, we are very fond of you, you are like a mother to us".
I knew he meant well but at the time I wanted to kill him. I didn't feel motherly toward any of my co-workers and I don't think I ever behaved like one around them. I regarded myself as a part of the team. Apparently they felt differently. I guess knowing I was a lot older put me automatically into the 'mother' position. They regarded me as an old matron to respect but who isn't quite relevant to their world or capable of doing what they were doing.
At the time it didn't discourage me. I kept struggling like everyone else, while ignoring a growing sense of discomfort and dread. It took me five more years to realize I had to leave. Gradually there was too much evidence proving my age wasn't appreciated anymore. Rather then regarding it as an advantage it became an obstacle. No one really appreciated my competence and nobody regarded me as a promotion material.
Deciding to leave and take a new path wasn't easy. The changes involved were huge and frightening. For awhile I was going through what many call: the "midlife crisis". It was very painful at the beginning but extremely rewarding later on.
When midlife crisis struck
The term "midlife crisis" is relatively new and has a lot to do with the steady growth rate of life expectancy in the 20th century. Midlife crises can happen anywhere between the ages of forty to sixty-five, and although we read a lot about it, many of us find it difficult to cope with and surprised when it strikes.
Going through a midlife crisis usually refers to going through a period of self-doubt related to the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. Triggers for such a crisis are usually transitions experienced during these years, such as aging in general, menopause, the death of parents, children leaving home, losing a job after forty and/or retirement. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in the core aspects of our day to day life or situation; career, marriage, or romantic relationships.
The first to introduce the concept of midlife crisis was Elliott Jaques, a Canadian psychoanalyst, who in 1965, claimed that once we reach our late forties, we begin to grasp our mortality and limitations - a realization that causes mental crisis. Jaques himself, in spite of his dreary realization, didn't live as a limited person in his old age. He reinvented himself and wrote twelve books till his death at the age of eighty-six.
Although not all of us are going to write successful books after fifty, and although there is a slim chance we will become great pianists, exceptional athletes or famous ballet dancers (just as most young people aren't either), there are still many new roads open to us all around. There are as many achievable targets at the age of fifty as there are at the age of twenty-five. Hell, in some fields a fifty year old has a better chance to succeed than someone in their twenties.
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"You may have more wrinkles on your face or less hair on your head, but your understanding
of who you are, what you desire and what makes you happy, is a
lot greater"
of who you are, what you desire and what makes you happy, is a
lot greater"
"Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese"
Billie Burke
Billie Burke
(1884-1970) was an American actress on stage and films known best for her role
as the Good Witch of the North in the musical film "The Wizard of Oz".
(1884-1970) was an American actress on stage and films known best for her role
as the Good Witch of the North in the musical film "The Wizard of Oz".