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When Your Goals Holding You Back
by Drew Rozell, Ph.D.
While this was clearly a wonderful opportunity to achieve a great goal for the right person,
the simple fact was that this goal was not right for me. The things that mattered most to
me -- my freedom, my individuality, and my love for studying people -- were not being
nurtured in this environment. In fact, they were being almost completely suppressed.
My "great goal" was in direct conflict with my values and I was completely miserable.
But unhappy as I was, I still felt the need to hang on to this goal. I was no quitter. No,
I would do this even if just to prove to everyone else (regardless of whether they really
cared or not) that I could achieve this goal.
One fateful day when I was required to wear my nice white uniform around campus,
I caught a glimpse of another person in uniform as he exited from the busiest building
on campus. You see, you are supposed to recognize the emblems on the shoulders of
other military folks and salute the officers. Since I could never master what the bars
and squiggles meant, I just did what I always did when such a situation arose. I tried
to hide among the other students.
I guess my uniform did not exactly blend in the sea of shorts and flip-flops since I can
still hear this Marine's booming voice echo across the quad. "Midshipman, do you think
I can get a salute out of you?" he bellowed. Hundreds of students froze, including me.
Completely mortified and with all eyes on me, I guess I must have raised my hand to
my cap. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but also turned out
to be one of the most liberating.
That was it. I no longer cared what anyone thought, not my parents, not my siblings or
my friends. I came to the realization that while pain is inevitable in life, suffering is
optional. I quit the program the next day. For the first time in my life, I gave up on a
really big goal.
Immediately, I felt like me again. I had no plan, no goals, and far fewer worries. As time
passed, I found I was really drawn to psychology and decided to major in it. I found
enjoyable work during the school year and worked full time during the summers to make
up for expenses. Opportunities that were previously obscured by my laser-like focus on
my goal appeared all around me. Giving up that particular goal was the best thing I have
ever done for myself.
So, I am challenging you to examine your goals. First, what are your values? Now, do your goals reflect these values? Have you ever really thought about the relationship between your values and your goals? If not, I strongly encourage you to take the time to do so. For if you are truly setting goals around your values, you are living your life at the highest level and giving yourself a tremendous gift. This is where you will achieve true success, both intrinsically and through the financial rewards that often follow doing what you love. When you set the right goals for yourself, these goals will become so compelling that you are naturally drawn to achieving them and they can be reached with remarkable ease and without suffering.
So ask yourself, "What would be a great goal to drop today?"
Drew Rozell is a personal and executive coach. He writes a monthly column centered around tips for personal and professional success for the Central New York Business Journal. Visit Evolution Coaching and sign-up for a free coaching session
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by Drew Rozell, Ph.D.
While this was clearly a wonderful opportunity to achieve a great goal for the right person,
the simple fact was that this goal was not right for me. The things that mattered most to
me -- my freedom, my individuality, and my love for studying people -- were not being
nurtured in this environment. In fact, they were being almost completely suppressed.
My "great goal" was in direct conflict with my values and I was completely miserable.
But unhappy as I was, I still felt the need to hang on to this goal. I was no quitter. No,
I would do this even if just to prove to everyone else (regardless of whether they really
cared or not) that I could achieve this goal.
One fateful day when I was required to wear my nice white uniform around campus,
I caught a glimpse of another person in uniform as he exited from the busiest building
on campus. You see, you are supposed to recognize the emblems on the shoulders of
other military folks and salute the officers. Since I could never master what the bars
and squiggles meant, I just did what I always did when such a situation arose. I tried
to hide among the other students.
I guess my uniform did not exactly blend in the sea of shorts and flip-flops since I can
still hear this Marine's booming voice echo across the quad. "Midshipman, do you think
I can get a salute out of you?" he bellowed. Hundreds of students froze, including me.
Completely mortified and with all eyes on me, I guess I must have raised my hand to
my cap. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but also turned out
to be one of the most liberating.
That was it. I no longer cared what anyone thought, not my parents, not my siblings or
my friends. I came to the realization that while pain is inevitable in life, suffering is
optional. I quit the program the next day. For the first time in my life, I gave up on a
really big goal.
Immediately, I felt like me again. I had no plan, no goals, and far fewer worries. As time
passed, I found I was really drawn to psychology and decided to major in it. I found
enjoyable work during the school year and worked full time during the summers to make
up for expenses. Opportunities that were previously obscured by my laser-like focus on
my goal appeared all around me. Giving up that particular goal was the best thing I have
ever done for myself.
So, I am challenging you to examine your goals. First, what are your values? Now, do your goals reflect these values? Have you ever really thought about the relationship between your values and your goals? If not, I strongly encourage you to take the time to do so. For if you are truly setting goals around your values, you are living your life at the highest level and giving yourself a tremendous gift. This is where you will achieve true success, both intrinsically and through the financial rewards that often follow doing what you love. When you set the right goals for yourself, these goals will become so compelling that you are naturally drawn to achieving them and they can be reached with remarkable ease and without suffering.
So ask yourself, "What would be a great goal to drop today?"
Drew Rozell is a personal and executive coach. He writes a monthly column centered around tips for personal and professional success for the Central New York Business Journal. Visit Evolution Coaching and sign-up for a free coaching session
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